Scarlett's Advent Calendar
by Real Life Racie
Summary: A series of 25 one shots about christmas for everyone's favorite exiled siblings. Window #6: Hayden channels his inner Clark Griswold to put up the Christmas lights at his mother's command. It doesn't end well. Dedicated to BreannIt.
1. Off with its Trunk!

It was an early snowy day in the Outlands when Scarlett and Hayden set out to find the perfect Christmas tree. Only instead of a saw, they brought an axe used for beheading people. They said it was their family tradition, but the truth was they didn't own a saw. Hayden was driving the carriage and Scarlett was in the back chattering excitedly. She loved Christmas, and even though she was nearly 15 years old, she still believed in Santa Claus. Hayden liked to see his sister happy, so he didn't ruin her fantasy. Speaking of Scarlett, she was rattling off a seemingly endless list of things she wanted for Christmas.

"…AND…I want a puppy, and a baby Jabberwocky, and a racing horse, and some more dresses, and a new tiara, and a new scepter, and a dagger, and some riding boots, and a new fairytale book, and a pretty porcelain doll that looks just like me and has clothes that match mine and a pretty red cloak with a jeweled clasp and a hood trimmed with bandersnatch fur!"

Hayden who had just gotten his coachman's license was ignoring his sister and trying to focus on the road. Then they hit a rock and the carriage fell forward. The axe flew 50 feet in the air, scaring the horses who broke free and ran off as fast as they could. The royal siblings had landed in a snowbank in the Tulgey wood. There were various types of trees as far as the eye could see. They were hopelessly lost.

"WHAT WAS THAT BANG!?" screeched Scarlett, her chocolate brown eyes wide with fear.

"I DON'T _KNOW,_ LETTIE!" Hayden retorted just as loudly. His sister backed down and kept her mouth shut. He observed his surroundings. The axle on the wheel of the coach was broken and the horses were nowhere to be found.

"Mum's gonna kill me!" he cursed under his breath. This was the third carriage they had totaled since he'd received his license.

Scarlett darted around looking for the axe and eventually found it. She skipped over to her brother wielding the ceremonial weapon. The blade was encrusted with dry blood and the handle was studded with rubies. The whole thing was taller than the princess herself. "it was a shitty model anyway." she said, trying to reassure him, handing him the intimidating weapon.

After trudging around in the snow for about 45 minutes, they found the perfect tree. It had a black and white candy cane like trunk with blood red needles. Hayden swung the axe and Scarlett started barking out orders.

 ** _"_** ** _OFF WITH ITS TRUNK!"_** she screamed, sounding remarkably like their mother. After an awkward silence, she turned to Hayden. "Was that good? Do you think Mum would've been proud of that?" Hayden rolled his eyes and chopped down the tree in one swift motion.

That's when they realized their carriage was totaled and that they lost the horses. They had to drag the tree by hand. Scarlett complained a lot at first, but after a deathly glare from her brother, she fell silent.

On the way home, passed the March Hare's house. Topher Hightopp's girlfriend Mercy Earwicket, the March Hare's daughter looked at them. "Hey, Hayden! Where are you gonna put a tree that big?" Hayden shot the unstable teenage jackrabbit a glare.

"Bend over and I'll show you, you bloody loony!" he snarled darkly. Scarlett let out an obnoxious giggle. Then Mercy's father, Thackery burst out the door and started shaking his fist and yelling at the Red Prince and Princess rather unintelligibly.

"Yeh gotta lotta nerve, sayin' that to ma kith an' kin, pretty boy!" he shouted

"He wasn't talking to _her!_ " Scarlett shouted, leaving the two alone to ponder what she meant.

The siblings exchanged a glance and started laughing madly. The two lugged the tree for what seemed like days until they reached the castle. Their "loving mother" hadn't even noticed her children were gone and hadn't sent out a search party. They were so exhausted that they left the tree outside for the servants to bring in. It wasn't their problem anyway.

 **A/N: The first person who can tell me how many** ** _"National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation"_** **references are in this chapter gets to choose what happens in an advent window! I'll announce the winner soon.**


	2. Gimme Presents, Fat Man!

Dear Father Christmas,

I've sent you a bloody letter every bloody year since I could read and write and you never get me anything! You never give anything to my brother either! I've've done nothing wrong, if you don't count the time I chloroformed my governess for lecturing me about my "trashy" red fishnets. Or the time I ate tarts for breakfast without permission. Or the time I tripped a card soldier creating a domino effect. I've done nothing wrong, therefore I deserve compensation.

Enclosed is a list of reasons why I deserve presents and a list of all the presents I want. I advise you to comply if you value your head. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Sincerely,

Her Imperial Highness Scarlett Elizabeth Anastasia of Witzend:

P.S.: Here is a list of reasons why I deserve presents:

I haven't shown anyone The Finger in 30 hours.

I told my Governess that I've decided to tolerate her, although she'll never earn my respect.

I didn't eat the Frog Footman's new litter of spawn on toast points today like my mother and I do every time he reproduces. Instead I flushed them down the latrine. I was being merciful.

I didn't tease the pageboy enough to make him cry for a week.

I left a lovely present on my Aunt Mirana's doorstep. (it was a used tampon)

I only slapped my maid twice for being incompetent in the past month.

I haven't used the knives that scar on anyone in the household.

I wrote a letter to my Aunt Mirana demanding she give the crown over to my mother where it belonged.

I rubbed Mother's aching feet every day for a month.

I conserved pigs for my own aching feet by only using one each week.

I didn't eat the last tart last night at dinner and offered it to Ches.

I sent my cousin Kaylin one of my dolls as a gift (it was the one that looked like her mother that I'd chopped the head off of)

I didn't have anything nice to say last week so I didn't say anything at all…for about 12 minutes.

I didn't complain to Hayden for six hours…because I was asleep

P.P.S.: Here is my wish list: The Official Christmas Wishlist of Her Imperial Highness Scarlett Elizabeth Anastasia of Witzend:

A new tiara that looks like the one the Hightopps made for my mother's coronation

A scepter that looks like my mother's but has a dagger hidden inside.

New dresses

A good pair of black and gold riding boots

A doll that looks exactly like me

Replicas of my entire wardrobe for the aforementioned doll

A cute little bloodhound puppy

A baby Jabberwocky

A racing horse. A beautiful black stallion.

A new fairytale book.

50 cases of chocolates.

New solid gold flamingo shaped croquet mallets inlaid with rubies

A jeweled ball to match my new croquet mallets

A red velvet hooded cloak lined with real bandersnatch fur with a jeweled clasp

A new canopy bed

A portrait of my mother and I

A replica of my mother's throne to replace the stupid tuffet in my room

A new tea set

A set of throwing knives

A riding outfit to go with my new boots

My own private army

My own litter to be carried in

The latest model of miniature guillotine

My own torture chamber

A governess who doesn't tell me what to do

My aunt's head on a platter

My cousin's head on a platter

My mother's status restored as queen.


	3. Underland's 12 Pains of Christmas

_**12 Pains of Christmas Underland Style:**_

* * *

All: The 1st thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Scarlett and Hayden: Is finding a Christmas tree!

* * *

All: The 2nd thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Hayden: Rigging up the lights!

Scarlett and Hayden: And finding a Christmas tree!

* * *

All: The 3rd thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Iracebeth: HANGOVERS!

Hayden: Rigging up the lights!

Scarlett and Hayden: And finding a Christmas tree!

All: The 4th thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Tarrant: Sending Christmas cards!

Iracebeth: HANGOVERS!

Hayden: Rigging up the lights!

Scarlett and Hayden: And finding a Christmas tree!

* * *

All: The 5th thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: 5 months of bills!

Tarrant: Sending Christmas cards!

Iracebeth: HANGOVERS!

Hayden: Rigging up the lights!

Scarlett and Hayden: And finding a Christmas tree!

* * *

All: The 6th thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Kaylin: Facing my cousins!

All: 5 months of bills!

Tarrant: I hate these Christmas cards!/p

Iracebeth: HANGOVERS!

Hayden: Rigging up these lights!

Scarlett and Hayden: And finding a Christmas tree!

* * *

All: The 7th thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Scarlett, Hayden, and Iracebeth: the salvation army!

Kaylin: Facing my cousins!

All: 5 months of bills!

Tarrant: I hate these Christmas cards!

Iracebeth: Oh jeez

Hayden: Mum, I'm trying to rig up these lights!

Scarlett and Hayden: And finding a Christmas tree!

* * *

All: The 8th thing at christmas that's such a pain to me

Scarlett: I WANT A PUPPY FOR CHRISTMAS!

Scarlett, Hayden and Iracebeth (to Kaylin): Charities, and what do you mean your cousins!?

All: 5 months of bills!

Tarrant: Making out these cards!

Iracebeth: Lettie, darling, get Mummy a beer!

Hayden: Shut up, Mum, she's getting my extension cords!

Scarlett and Hayden: And finding a Christmas tree!

* * *

All: The 9th thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Alice: Finding parking spaces

Scarlett: I WANT SOME CANDY!

Scarlett, Hayden, and Iracebeth: donations!

Kaylin: Facing my cousins!

All: 5 months of bills!

Tarrant: writing out these cards!

Iracebeth: hangovers!

Hayden: MUM, WHY THE HELL ARE THEY BLINKING!

Hayden and Scarlett: And finding a Christmas tree!

* * *

All: The 10th thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Time: Batteries not included!

Alice: No parking spaces!

Scarlett: BUY ME SOMETHING DAMMIT!

Scarlett, Hayden, Iracebeth: Get a job, IDIOT!

Kaylin: Facing my cousins

All: 5 months of bills!

Tarrant: yo ho, sending christmas cards

Iracebeth: Bloody hell, look at this!

Hayden: ONE BLOODY LIGHT GOES OUT, THEY ALL GO OUT!  
Scarlett and Hayden: And finding a Christmas Tree!

* * *

All: The 11th thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Mirana: My sister's antics!

Time: Batteries not included!?

Alice: No parking spaces!

Scarlett: MUMMY I GOTTA TAKE A PISS!

Scarlett, Hayden, Iracebeth: Charities!

Kaylin: They all wanna kill me!

All: 5 months of bills!

Tarrant: Are these people even Hightopps?

Iracebeth: Who's got the smelling salts?

Hayden: Where's the lanterns!? I blew a fuse!

Scarlett and Hayden: And finding a Christmas Tree!

* * *

All: The 12th thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Iracebeth: BLOODY STUPID CHRISTMAS CAROLS!

Mirana: My sister's antics!

Time: Batteries not included!?

Alice: No parking spaces!

Scarlett: GIVE IT TO ME NOW!

Scarlett, Hayden, Iracebeth: They should be donating to us!

Kaylin: Gotta have them over!

All: 5 months of bills!

Tarrant: What a waste of craft supplies!

Iracebeth: SCARLETT! HAYDEN! SHUT UP!

Hayden: Hey, Lettie, you're so smart!? YOU RIG UP THESE LIGHTS THEN!

Scarlett and Hayden: And finding a Christmas Tree!


	4. Chessia, it's Cold Outside

Scarlett was busy writing a letter to Santa in her room, trying to keep herself preoccupied so she wouldn't bring up the subject of the prisoner in her brother's closet. Hayden and Chessia however were curled up by a fire in one of the halls in the house, their bodies entwining and covered in some fluffy red blankets. They'd been there all night. Ches woke up with a start to find Hayden wrapped around her in a tight bear hug.

"Hayden...wake up...we overslept. I gotta go." said Ches. "I left my scarf in your closet." Hayden opened his red eyes instinctively at the word "closet."

"I'll go get it for you." he said.

"You realize I can just appear in your closet and get it." his girlfriend replied. Not that. Anything but that. Ches would never forgive him if she found out what happened, no matter how much the Kingsleigh boy annoyed her. "Can't you stay for awhile? You still owe Lettie that girl's day..."

"She's writing a letter to Father Christmas." laughed Ches. She started to sing softly in her low, rich almost purring voice, "I really can't stay..."

"But Ches it's so cold outside..." countered Hayden. Cats didn't like the cold. Ches was a humanoid cat but she was no different.

"I have to go away..." she said turning away from him.

"But Ches it's so cold outside..." he repeated.

"This weekend has been so very nice." she reassured her boyfriend, who grabbed her hands and tangled them with his.

"I'll hold your hands, they feel like ice."

"My father will start to worry" Ches hesitated

"Beautiful, what's your hurry?" he asked, frustrated

"My brother will be pacing the floor" she argued "So really I'd better scurry"

"Ches, darling, please don't hurry" he said almost begging which was highly uncharacteristic of him

"Well, maybe just half a drink more" she relented as he poured her some hot cocoa.

"Put some records on while I pour" he suggested.

"I ought to say no, your highness." she said mock formally

"Mind if I move in closer?" asked Hayden, ever the charmer.  
"At least I'm gonna say that I tried" He was wearing Ches down

"What's the sense of hurting my pride?" he thought aloud  
"I really can't stay" Chessia materialized to a door that had mistletoe on the frame. Hayden walked over to her, and wrapped an arm around her waist.  
"Baby, it's cold outside" they sang as they kissed passionately.

"As you command, Mr. Crown Prince." said Ches, shrugging in defeat. Hayden grinned. He was out of the doghouse. Maybe his sister's manipulative antics were worth learning from after all.

* * *

 **A/N: This chapter is an early birthday present to my close friends and the creators of Hayden and Chessia,** Breannlt who owns Hayden, and a quiet child of winter who owns Ches.


	5. On Thin Ice

Lettie was shivering even though she was bundled up in velvet and fur as she was dragged by her brother and Ches to a skating rink in the center of town which was actually a pond frozen over. It was late at night so nobody was there but them. The way the moonlight touched the ice and the sight was absolutely beautiful.

Ches and Hayden laced up their skates and waltzed on the ice gracefully. They didn't even need music, they moved in perfect sync.

"Lettie, come join us!" said Hayden.

"I'm not having fun walking through this stupid snow!" complained Lettie, as she flipped her brother her trademark middle finger. He didn't notice and couldn't be bothered as he was currently in a passionate lip lock with the anthropomorphic cat.

Scarlett stamped her skate clad foot and strutted onto the ice. She was going to try this, but she was not going to like it. Scarlett started skimming the ice for a bit. Maybe this wasn't so bad. Maybe…

 ** _*SPLASH!*_**

Scarlett fell through the ice and into the pond. She screamed at the top of her lungs and managed spewed out a 90 second string of obscenities you'd never think a teenage girl in Victorian times was capable of. By the time she pulled herself out of the ice, there were icicles hanging from her crimson ringlets. Hayden and Ches decided to go home and told Scarlett to follow. Scarlett could hardly move, so her brother dragged the shivering girl along with them

 ** _*5 minutes after leaving the pond*_**

"HAYDEN!"

"Yes, Lettie?"

"I can't feel my toes! Are we home yet!?"

"Your feet always hurt, Lettie. We're not home yet."

 ** _*1 minute later…*_**

"HAYDEN!"

"Yes, Lettie?"

"I can't walk. I can't feel my legs. Are we home yet!?"

"Fine. I'll carry you. But, we're not home yet."

 ** _*1 minute later…*_**

"HAYDEN!"

"Yes, Lettie?"

"I can't feel my hips! Are we home yet!?" Hayden was fed up and threw his sister to the ground. Ches went over to help the princess.

"Hayden, your sister's frozen from the waist down!" she scolded.

And so the star crossed lovers had to take turns carrying Scarlett home and she wasn't exactly light due to all the heavy cloak, scarves, fur, hat, and scarves she was wearing. She was asleep by then. Scarlett had a nasty habit of talking in her sleep.

"Can we take my present out of the closet?" Hayden froze.

"No, we can't. We have to wait until Aunt Mirana comes home." he said firmly.

"What are you two talking about? You never have Mirana over for christmas!" said Ches.

"It's from our aunt but it's in the closet. She wants to see Lettie open it." Hayden explained, thinking quickly and lying through his teeth.

Ches quirked a turquoise eyebrow and appeared to believe it. "You two are so weird." she said as they set Scarlett in her bed.

"I wanted a puppy." mused the half conscious girl. They kissed her forehead goodnight before going off to spend some alone time together.

 **A/N: This is an early birthday gift for my good friend** ** _a quiet child of winter_** **who owns Chessia and also Alena Kingsliegh.**


	6. Why Hayden hates Rigging Up the Lights

"Why do we have to check 25,000 bulbs individually?" Scarlett asked.

"Because if one light goes out, they all go out." Hayden didn't really know why their mother made them decorate for Christmas every year.

Scarlett was currently untangling a massive knot of red lights. "This is boring."

"I know, Lettie." he snapped. Scarlett rolled her eyes and got back to untangling the lights.

Unfortunately for the siblings, Iracebeth was stricken with a nasty hangover, as she'd taken to drinking to comfort herself.

"SCARLETT!" came a obnoxious yell from inside.

"YES, MUMMY!?" Scarlett yelled back, every bit as loud, every bit her mother's daughter.

"WHERE ARE MY SMELLING SALTS!?"

"HOW SHOULD I KNOW!?" Scarlett yelled.

"OF ALL THE MOST USELESS, UNGRATEFUL, IMPERTINENT…" Scarlett and Hayden tuned out the yelling. Hayden was on the roof at this point.

"LETTIE, GO FIND THE EXTENSION CORDS!" he hollered at his sister. Scarlett scurried away to find some extension cords when her mother called out again.

"SCARLETT, DARLING, DO ME A FAVOR AND FETCH THE MUMMY WATER FROM THE KITCHEN!" She commanded.

"SHUT UP, MOTHER! SHE'S GETTING MY EXTENSION CORDS. THIS WAS YOUR BLOODY IDEA TO DECORATE WHEN NOBODY CAN SEE US FOR MILES! IT'S A STUPID BLOODY WASTE OF RESOURCES!"

"YOU WATCH YOUR TONGUE, YOU STUPID BOY! I BROUGHT YOU TWO INGRATES INTO THIS WORLD AND I CAN JUST AS EASILY!"

"YOU ALWAYS SAY THAT AND YET YOU WOULDN'T LAST THE NIGHT WITHOUT US!" Hayden retorted. Scarlett came back with the extension cords, and handed them off to Hayden. The siblings stood outside the castle to admire their handiwork.

Nothing happened.

Hayden swore angrily waved his hands about and stormed into the house. Scarlett flipped a switch and the lights turned on for a moment or two before abruptly fizzing out along with every other light source in the castle." Scarlett was the only one there to appreciate all of Hayden's hard work.

"WHO SHUT THE POWER OFF!?" screeched Iracebeth, not realizing that the whole thing was her fault. Scarlett went into the house.

"It was beautiful while it lasted." she reassured Hayden, who was fuming.

 **A/N: This is dedicated to my dear friend** ** _BreannIt_** **who owns Hayden and most of the next generation population of Underland. She's the good cop to my bad cop, the Mal to my Evie, and a great friend to have. Happy birthday, Bre!**


End file.
